The bond between mother and child is extraordinary and very special.
This bond is the foundation of human life. It is the first thing the baby knows in the womb and its first contact with the world outside.
The mother is so much more than just the person who feeds the baby. She is love, protection, comfort and support. The baby needs a secure physical and emotional bond with her. If this bond is strong, it feels protected and ready to explore the world with confidence, because it knows that there is always a safe place with mother to go back to.
The strength of this bond determines the healthy development and success of the child for years to come. When children feel securely attached, they grow up with a positive image of themselves and the world and learn how to trust, connect with other people and build good relationships. Eventually they become healthy and happy adults.
Sometimes, in the absence of the mother, the child can securely bond with the father, grandmother, adoptive parent or other close person. This bond can also very beneficial. In general, however, the most important and ubiquitous presence in the child's life from the very beginning is that of the mother, and this bond predetermines every direction in the child's development.
Given that the mother-child bond is so significant, how can we foster it?
Many people falsely believe that women are born with a maternal instinct, which is automatically activated after childbirth. In reality, maternal feelings build up gradually. So let’s look at the key moments, when the bonding between mother and baby happens.
1. Pregnancy
During the first months of pregnancy, the baby may seem "unreal" to the expecting woman. How can you bond with somebody you don’t see? Although it remains hidden, however, the baby's body constantly interacts with that of the mother. Her habits become vitally important for the baby, because its healthy development depends on what she eats, how much she exercises, or whether she consumes alcohol or cigarettes.
As the pregnancy advances and the baby’s moves and kicks get stronger, the perception of the baby becomes more real. Meanwhile, the baby also learns a lot about mom. It begins to recognise the mother's voice and smell, and even her feelings. After the fifth month of pregnancy, a wonderful way for expectant mothers to interact with the baby is to talk or sing to their belly, knowing that the baby is listening with interest.
2. Skin-to-skin contact
The moment when a mother sees and holds her baby for the first time is very emotional and key in their bonding. Unless there are any medical concerns, experts recommend that the newborn be placed on the mother's bare chest immediately after birth. Skin-to-skin contact calms the baby, regulates its breathing and heart rate and helps it adapt to the sudden change in environment. It also helps the mother calm and relax.
In order to stimulate brain development, experts recommend mothers to practice skin-to-skin contact during the first few months after birth, and to combine it with a light massage.
3. Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is one of the most natural ways to bond with a baby. While breastfeeding, the mother also holds, hugs and caresses the baby, gazes at the baby’s eyes, talks or sings to them. This is a very special and intimate experience between mother and baby, in which they get to know and adapt to each other.
During breastfeeding, the mother's body releases the hormone oxytocin, also called the "love hormone", which helps reduce the stress of motherhood and build a loving relationship with the baby.
4. Responding to the baby's needs
Babies need to be fed when they are hungry and comforted when they are restless. Crying is the only means they have at the beginning to express their needs and emotions. In order to become securely attached, a baby must feel confident that its mother will quickly respond to its cries, hug, sing or carry the baby in her arms, so that it feels her comforting closeness. The process is twofold - through care the baby connects with the mother and the mother connects with the baby.
Some mothers don’t want to cuddle or carry their baby for fear of spoiling it. Others let the baby cry for long periods of time with the idea that it will eventually learn not to cry and will not bother them anymore. These beliefs are quite harmful to the healthy bonding process and may lead to behavioural problems later in childhood.
5. Interaction
Interaction is key to baby development. Babies need someone to talk to them, gaze into their eyes, smile or make funny faces that they can imitate later.
Eye contact between mother and baby is especially important for the formation of a strong bond, as well as for the proper development of the baby's brain. In the first weeks, the newborn is visibly not able to respond to the mother's words and eyes, but research shows that it distinguishes and prefers them.
You can find more tips on how to talk to your baby to foster its development in the article "Babies Need Interaction From Birth".
The bonding between mother and child may not happen immediately. Sometimes it takes a few days or a few weeks of everyday care. Until one day the baby gives mommy its first real smile and she realises how happy and full of love motherhood makes her.
Finally, we would like to show you a short UNICEF film about what it’s like to be a mother and what a great impact mothers have on children's development.
Sources:
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/bonding.html
https://roditel.unicef.bg/pages/sigurna-privrzanost-v-detstvoto
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE7Dq-16uzI
Cover photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
www.activecitizensfund.bg
"This publication was created with the financial support of the Active Citizens Fund Bulgaria under the Financial Mechanism of the European Economic Area. The entire responsibility for the content of this publication lies with the Health and Social Development Foundation and under no circumstances can it be assumed that this publication reflects the official opinion of the Financial Mechanism of the European Economic Area and the Operator of the Active Citizens Fund Bulgaria."
